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There are epics, and then there are epics.

At the tail end of March, from literally out of nowhere, the only songwriter to have a Nobel Prize graced us with the 17-minute strong Murder Most Foul, his first genuinely new material since 2012. Yep, eight years ago, Bob Dylan released what was once rumored to be his valedictory album, appropriately titled Tempest. (the title of Shakespeare’s final play.) Let’s just say that, as he promised, the end, it was not.

Next birthday, the former Traveling Wilbury will be eighty. And yet, it would be a total understatement to say that his latest effort, Rough And Rowdy Ways, is already a staple of his six decade long discography, and far superior to his recent trilogy of Great American Songbook cover albums. With help from Fiona Apple, longtime guitarist Charlie Sexton, and Heartbreaker Benmont Tench, Dylan managed to cross the poignant storytelling of Blood On The Tracks with the morals and mindsets of Love And Theft and Modern Times. That said, while he managed to keep the modern sound of his touring band flowing, the record as a whole feels unlike anything he’s ever birthed. Yet at the same time, Dylan’s every album has been more or less, hailed as eternally relevant.

In the key of good ol’ C, I Contain Multitudes, loaded with references to Anne Frank and The Rolling Stones, kicks everything off. Immediately following is False Prophet, which could be his two cents on an infinite amount of topics, personal, political, or worldwide.

Who knows where his mindset is these days? I’ve Made Up My Mind To Give Myself To You, for example. Track four. Before the answer becomes blatantly obvious, you spend the first half of the song thinking: Is he talking about a partner, or is he revisiting his born again Christian phase from the early 80s, and running into the arms of God? No matter how one may see it, mortality plays a large role in Dylan’s later work, but he seems more aware than ever that his days on this Earth are numbered.

Perhaps the most exuberant obituary of all time, and the most exuberant song on the album, Goodbye Jimmy Reed, is also thrown in. Dylan waited nearly forty five years after his death to tell religious and musical bits and pieces of the blues legend’s life story. “I can tell they’re Proddie from a mile away,” he croaks as he begs for “that old time religion.” Dylan caused the perspective to jump all over the place from start to finish. So, another thing to wonder is, who exactly is it that’s saying goodbye to Reed?

After nearly ten minutes of adding up elements of Key West to describe, as he put it, a paradise to find immortality, on Key West (Philosopher Pirate), the epic mentioned above began to close out this masterpiece.

Murder Most Foul revolves around the staggering 1963 assassination of President Kennedy. Who, other than Dylan, has spoken (but sung) lines? Practically everyone who remembers that wretched day, from the driver of that open-top limousine, to those who saw Walter Cronkite announce to the world that the President Of The United States was dead, to even JFK himself. “I’m leaning to the left, I got my head in her lap/Hold on, I’ve been lead into some kind of a trap.”

No shit, Dylan remembers when it happened. “I hate to tell you, mister, but only dead men are free,” he laments over accompaniment from a reverb piano and double bass. Along with the thoughts that crossed people’s minds that day came some pop culture references of that era, from The Beatles to Nightmare On Elm Street.

Which brings us to the second half.

With seven minutes left in the song, legendary DJ Wolfman Jack is brought up, said to be speaking in tongues. Sure enough, those last seven minutes of probably the best thing we’re gonna get out of this year, is nothing but a list of requests for the Wolfman, mostly songs and artists that came after JFK’s time: Queen, Billy Joel, The Who, Fleetwood Mac, and even the Eagles (recently revealed to be one of the Bard’s favorite groups) are among those listed.

As usual, Dylan’s poignancy is unbelievable, and right now is an ideal time to drink it in. So, I guess my final question is, why can’t I put my finger on how and why I feel this masterpiece has the magnum opus reputation of Blood On The Tracks, or Highway 61 Revisited? And, with that Never Ending Tour always in place, when did he record all this? Was he waiting for the right time to put out such an exquisite piece of work? No way did he squeeze all this out within three months of quarantine.

Sadly but understandably, we all know that Bobby’s not gonna tell us.

During some quarantine cleaning, my mother came across this ten-year old Michael Buble shirt in her closet. At one point, it was mine. But from the moment she bought it for me, she wanted to turn it into a pillow, which is probably why I hadn’t seen the shirt in so many years. Mom got a Buble pillow for Christmas a few years later, so the shirt must have stayed in her closet all this time.

Upon receiving it a few weeks ago, I could tell at first glance that there was no way in hell it would fit me. The last time I remember wearing that shirt was probably when I was nine years old. So, instead of being a Good Samaritan and donating it or whatever, I decided to frame the shirt, along with another momento of the night I got it: My ticket stub from the first concert I ever attended.

It was February of 2010, another day in third grade. I was eight years old, dying to escape to California to become a child actor, minus the eventual drugs and hitting of rock bottom. I basically woke up one morning to my mom ecstatically hollering at me to come to her room on the double. “I’m only wearing underwear!” I called back. She didn’t care, so I did as I was told and raced into her bedroom. As usual, the radio was set to Magic 94.9. For some reason, Mom was shaking with excitement, so she told me to just wait until the next time the hosts of the morning show came back to talk. When they did, hush and listen.

Michael Buble had just released a No. 1 album, Crazy Love. Mom introduced him to me some years prior. And this was before he was crowned the king of 2010s Christmas music. I freakin’ loved the guy’s hits. Proof? Somewhere, there’s a CD of me when I was three or four singing a few of his songs (which will never see the light of day). I even sang his cover of Moondance at my summer camp talent show in 2009, which nobody, including my counselors, picked up on. They literally made me a blue paper crescent moon to strap around my white polo shirt so it could be cuter. Hehe, at least they tried.

So, Magic 94.9 had this thing where you had to not only be a certain number caller to win tickets or money: You also had to answer a trivia question. This week, they were giving away a weekend vacation at the Tradewinds Resort, and also two Buble tickets, since he’d be stopping in Tampa to promote Crazy Love. That was why Mom was screaming: She was the caller they selected, she answered the trivia question correctly, and she won the concert tickets. I’d be going to the show, and my dad would be going with her to the Tradewinds. Yep, my first proper concert.

Life pretty much went on as usual for me. From what I can remember, Mom was chronically pumped for the show. I was looking forward to our night out too, but let’s just say that I got to be…chronically pumped, when we caught Paul Simon in St. Augustine some seven years later.

I’ll admit, there’s not a lot I remember about the show itself. It was at the St. Pete Times Forum, now known as Amalie Arena. Though I vividly remember sitting in the seats we had: Directly across the stage, in the first section up from the floor. Looking at the ticket stub, it was section 109. So, kudos to the radio station for not cheaping out and giving us nosebleeds or something along the side.

I was a far different person in 2010 than I am right now, so during the show, who knows what I was doing? Was I leaning over trying to have a conversation with Mom about God-knows-what the whole time? Was I trying to really drink the experience in? Did I scream at the top of my lungs at the end of each song? And which of Michael’s songs that made it to the setlist did I even know? I seem to vaguely remember hearing Feeling Good at the very end of it all, hoping real hard that somehow, Moondance would scoot its way into the encore. That’s one thing I’ll never forget: Being disappointed that Michael didn’t give Tampa a taste of Moondance. Mom had to play the song for me in the car.

The last few times he’s been in Tampa, I missed out. Once was because I didn’t follow concerts at the time, and the most recent time (last year) was because I didn’t get around to buying tickets before they sold out. Knowing how close he was to giving up music for good when his son got sick in 2016, I think it’ll be best to catch him live as many more times as possible.

For now, though, I’m still pretty stunned that we held onto the shirt after all these years. Hopefully, in a few years time, or maybe when he reschedules his tour stop in Jacksonville when the pandemic calms down, I’ll have a new Buble shirt.

One that I can actually wear.

Yes’ Jon Anderson seems to be optimistic that the COVID-19 concerns will calm down very soon, because this morning, Ruth Eckerd Hall announced that the 75-year old will make his grand return to the Bilheimer Capitol Theatre on July 3.

Tampa Bay is no stranger to the timeless sound of Yes, one of the few progressive rock bands to score a spot in the Rock And Roll Hall Of Fame. Since 2010, both current and former members of the band have made points to annually stop and feel the love from Clearwater or St. Pete. In fact, guitarist Steve Howe’s lineup of the band, along with the Alan Parsons Project, were scheduled to appear at Ruth Eckerd Hall last weekend. Unfortunately, the show was added to the ever-bulging list of events axed due to COVID-19 concerns.

Joining Anderson will be School Of Rock founder Paul Green, along with students from the Paul Green Rock Academy to serve as the backup band to prog rock’s most beloved pixie. And if this show even subtly resembles his performance promoting his 1000 Hands album at the same venue last May, this is not a night any Yes fan will want to miss.

Tickets go on sale this Friday, and will start at $59.

This week, there should have been three new shows for me to reminisce about.

Art Garfunkel was supposed to kick it all off on March 14 at the Bilheimer Capitol. The day after, Simple Plan should have been rocking EPCOT for the fourth March in a row. And Thursday night, Graham Nash was scheduled to tell stories and perform deep cuts and hits, also at the Bilheimer Capitol. But thanks to you-know-what, everybody either cancelled or postponed. Nash has already rescheduled to November 10. Garfunkel hasn’t yet, and Simple Plan will probably be back to EPCOT next year, or maybe for the Food and Wine Festival later this year. Who knows?

The next few months are going to cause so much demolition to the concert industry, both economically and in terms of timing. Babysitters are having to cancel, there are parking passes are now invalid, and of course, you have to cancel hotels and flights by sitting on hold for hours at a time. It’s not just a few shows, either: The New Orleans Jazz And Heritage Festival was postponed to a later date. Freakin’ Jazz Fest! Thousands of roadies, drivers, cleaning crews, light and sound people, and stage managers are going to temporarily be out of a job. Just imagine what people who work for The Rolling Stones are feeling right now. They had a massive US summer tour ahead of them, (with a stop in Tampa) and the whole thing has already been postponed to a later time.

It won’t be easy on the artists, either. David Crosby has said that he may lose his house, should he lose his live shows. A ton of artists live out of a suitcase these days, and it’s a key way that they keep the lights on and keep food going into their family’s fridges. It’s tough to get paid for touring your fame around when you can hardly set foot outside your own neighborhood, you know? Though it’s hard for the journalists, too. The concert halls and hockey arenas are barren, and it’s going to stay that way for a few months at least. Obviously, we all know that once this pandemic calms down a great deal, we’ll be back stronger and better rested than ever to experience new shows, new music, and new life.

But in the meantime, what do we do?

Well, I mentioned “new life” for a reason. Think of this quarantine as an opportunity to improve upon whatever you currently do. If you’re a writer, go back to a middle school state of mind and learn some new vocabulary, or check out other writing styles you’re not familiar with. If you’re a chef or cook, make something new, or try to make a home-sized version of what you have to whip together at work, just to keep the mind sharp for when you get back to work.

Don’t only let the new things be related to your current occupation, either. There are a billion and one things you could be doing besides your current occupation. Perfect example. My mom, who has been working for a doctor’s office for just over ten years now, recently became a sales rep for Touchstone Crystal Jewelry on the side. She’s made quite a bit of money, and also gets all sorts of complimentary bracelets and necklaces for her exceptional work. So there’s no way that your only interest is your occupation and nothing else. Everyone has interests. If you’re a car salesman who is passionate about football, dig deeper into football history during this time. Perhaps a player you don’t know much about, or a historic Super Bowl that came before your time.

That’s a big reason I began to write about music. My income comes from being a sous pastry chef, but I needed something that kept my undying love of music in the rotation. I’m not really that stellar of a musician, nor do I know nearly enough about technology to become a sound engineer or anything. But I’ve loved writing from the very beginning. So I chose that.

Just keep all that in mind during this stressful time in our world. Be open to new ideas, and remember: No matter how professional or experienced you may be, there’s never need for an excuse as to why you should better yourself.

COVID-19, thou heartless bastard.

In case you haven’t heard, Clearwater’s Ruth Eckerd Hall has postponed every single event taking place through April 2. This doesn’t only go for the Hall itself: The Nancy and David Bilheimer Capitol Theatre, Murray Theatre, and even all REH On The Road events have been tackled by the pandemic.

Down below is a list of all the events that have been postponed due to the epidemic. Friends, I wish you the best in this critical time. Remember to keep your hands clean, leave some toilet paper for other people, and please, listen to the scientists. They know what they’re doing.

Postponed / Cancelled Events From Ruth Eckerd Hall:

3/14: Art Garfunkel at the Bilheimer Capitol (though his postponement came for an unspecified reason)

3/15: Eric Johnson at the Bilheimer Capitol

3/16: Phillies 40th Anniversary Reunion at the Bilheimer Capitol

3/16: Josh Groban at Ruth Eckerd Hall

3/17: Geoff Tate at the Bilheimer Capitol

3/17: Jill Scott at Ruth Eckerd Hall

3/18: The Choir Of Man at the Bilheimer Capitol

3/19: 112 Years Of Broadway at Ruth Eckerd Hall, both shows

3/19: Graham Nash at the Bilheimer Capitol

3/20: America at Ruth Eckerd Hall

3/20: Killer Queen at the Bilheimer Capitol

3/21: Chris Young at Valspar, CANCELLED

3/22: Yes / Alan Parsons Live Project at Ruth Eckerd Hall

3/22: Steve Hackett at the Bilheimer Capitol

3/25: Florida Orchestra: Bright Side Of Beethoven at Ruth Eckerd Hall, CANCELLED

3/25: MasterChef Junior LIVE! at Ruth Eckerd Hall

3/26: Marilyn McCoo and Billy Davis Jr. at Ruth Eckerd Hall

3/26: Old Crow Medicine Show at the Bilheimer Capitol

3/26: Buddy Guy and Kenny Wayne Shepherd at Ruth Eckerd Hall

3/27: Ruth Eckerd Hall Chorus Spring Concert at the Murray Theatre

3/27: Stephen Lynch at the Bilheimer Capitol

3/28: Florida Orchestra: Peter And The Wolf at the Murray Theatre

3/28: John Michael Montgomery at Sims Park

3/28: Rodrigo y Gabriela at Ruth Eckerd Hall

3/29: Winter Dance Party at Ruth Eckerd Hall

3/29: Florida Orchestra: Broadway, CANCELLED

3/29: Jackie Evancho at the Bilheimer Capitol

3/29: Howard Jones Acoustic Trio at the Palladium Theatre, CANCELLED

4/3 and 4/4: Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons at Ruth Eckerd Hall

4/3: Mary Chapin Carpenter at the Bilheimer Capitol

4/3: Bret Michaels at Chasco Fiesta

4/5: One Night In Memphis at Ruth Eckerd Hall

4/8: Trey Kennedy at the Bilheimer Capitol

4/9: A Bowie Celebration at the Bilheimer Capitol

4/11: Patton Oswalt at the Bilheimer Capitol

4/17 and 4/18: The Price Is Right Live! at Ruth Eckerd Hall

PHOTO: Josh Dezern, 3/7/2020

Jeff Dunham might film his next special in Florida, he announced Saturday night to a packed Amalie Arena. “We’ve been doing shows here in Florida for awhile, and we love our audiences here!” the ventriloquist veteran commented.

Jeff started off his biannual show in Tampa by giving a status update on his wife and twin boys Jack and James, with whom he FaceTimes with almost every night after shows. Along with mention of them came a slightly embarrassing story about a bath time incident, that some parents may be all too familiar with.

With the alarming growth of the coronavirus pandemic, Jeff-fa-fa had an ideal source of brand-new material. “If anyone here is coughing, get your ass outta here.” he demanded before letting the little people in the boxes emerge.

As usual, first up was Walter, who, as per usual, had a brand new set of problems. The old codger was propped up, and wearing a surgical mask. He admitted to stealing it off of some guy on a plane’s face, not realizing how wrong he was to have done that. “Just so we’re clear, yes, I know I look like Joe Biden,” he confessed while firing up the jokes about the former vice president’s memory problems, and a few non-PC jabs at future commanders-in-chief.

Last time, the new character was Larry the Trump advisor. This tour, it’s conjoined twins Rich and Happy propped up next to Jeff. Rich is a very conservative, borderline workaholic who loathes his more left-leaning, easy-going conjoined twin brother Happy, once known as Harold. “Shut up, numbnuts!” Rich would scold his brother with. Each were asked by Jeff about some of their world views. Happy, wearing a tie-dye t-shirt, was asked about the legalization of marijuana, to which about half the crowd cheered for on his behalf. “Those are my people!” he called out. Rich was asked about families being separated. “I’d separate us first!” was his only response, obviously referring to his brother.

Next up was Bubba J, who would express how much he wanted to contribute more than jokes about incest and NASCAR to the show, so he introduced us to a segment entitled Bubba J’s Drinkin’ and Thinkin’. This was mainly him listing off his thoughts about the world right now, like how he’s glad Pete Buttigieg dropped out of the presidential race, solely because his last name is hard to pronounce. Then again, this is coming from a guy who later couldn’t handle learning how to tell a knock-knock joke, and also, apparently doesn’t know his ABC’s, having to stop at F. “Bubba J, come on…what comes after F?” Jeff asked. His lazy eye went back into place, and he thought for a moment. “150?” he replied.

Then came the purple, the wacky, the legendary Peanut. Within two minutes, he was already in a heated argument with Jeff about Wi-Fi passwords, which cleverly were “ICantTellYou,” “IDontRemember,” and “YouHaveToGuessIt.” If you know comedy, you probably can guess what went down between the two. Other than that, Peanut made his normal, zany remarks about not losing, but finding a shoe, and telling the kids in the crowd not to say fuck, after being told that he swore one too many times. He even brought out his old frenemy, Jose The Jalapeño On A Steek, who announced that he might leave the show to become an astronaut. “I haven’t seen much of him since Trump got elected!” Peanut realized.

The only lovable terrorist on Earth, Achmed, closed up shop, venting to Jeff about topics such as him hoping to become the new major general in Iran, yet also lamenting that his 72 Virgins have become part of the #MeToo movement. But when the place erupted upon him hollering out his trademark “Silence, I kill you” threat, he felt better immediately. He’d then be asked questions that audience members scribbled down before the show. He sang ‘Happy Birthday’ to an eleven-year-old fan, and learned that there’s a Howard Franklin bridge here in Tampa. The highlight, though, was him admitting that he’d be screwed if Jeff contracted the coronavirus. He even sang a few lines of Harry Nilsson’s Without You, which lead to Jeff researching and pulling the song up on his phone, putting it up to the mic, and the whole dome singing along, or turning on their phone flashlights.

It was kind of a magical moment in Dunham history. Hopefully, that magic will still be there, if and when he tapes his next special in Florida.