I’m the first to admit it: For the first week or two after Turkey Day, I love Christmas music. I’ll spin my red vinyl Christmas by Michael Buble, or even The Beach Boys’ Christmas Album from 1964, despite both of them having a staggering amount of radio attention. I can’t remember a December where I tuned into the radio and didn’t hear Mike Love’s nasally voice swinging through “Little Saint Nick” at least once.
I also like to pay attention to the ones that don’t get as much airplay. You know, like an artist’s unnecessary “I’m-still-alive” cash-grab, (not to say that every Christmas record from a big name sucks) or some of the more respectable, overlooked additions to the Very Special Christmas albums.
If you’re cool with sticking to the Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra classics, you rock on. But if you’re looking for something in the Christmas genre that won’t boil your blood every time that first note hits, here are a few deep picks from some of music’s most recognizable names. All five have been to Tampa in the last five years, too. How many did you go to see?
Barenaked Ladies – ‘Elf’s Lament’
Toiling through the ages, making toys on garnished wages/There’s no union/We’re only through when we outdo the competition
In 2003, Steven Page and company released Barenaked For The Holidays. No, not Barenaked For Christmas, as a trio of Hanukkah pieces were blended in, as well as “Auld Lang Syne.” Being the experienced singer-songwriters they were, it only made sense to throw in a few original compositions. One of which included “Elf’s Lament,” centered around one of Santa’s elves complaining about the misery and pointlessness of his job. And who else do you get to collaborate on a Christmas song but a still-relatively obscure Michael Buble? Perhaps BNL is to blame for him taking his rightful place as the king of modern Christmas music. Apparently, Buble was over the moon to work with his fellow Canadian legends—so much so that he didn’t even record his parts in the studio with the Ladies, and had to send them from his own studio.
Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers – Christmas All Over Again
Long distance relatives/Haven’t seen ’em in a long, long time/Yeah, I kind of missed ‘em/ I just don’t wanna kiss ‘em
The sequel to the critically acclaimed A Very Special Christmas, originally compiled in support of the Special Olympics, opens with a jam from Florida’s favorite son. Produced by ELO’s Jeff Lynne, Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers covers a few things that really are on our minds this time of year, contrary to the classic carols. “Walking in a winter wonderland?” Bullshit. “The holly that will be on your own front door?” You’ve gotta try harder. “I hope mama gets her shopping done?” That’s more like it! Yep, back in 1991, Tom Petty achieved being the first artist on any Very Special Christmas album to write their own Christmas song. While full of distinctive renditions, the first album from 1987 didn’t have a single original tune. Which brings me to my next point…
Sting – Gabriel’s Message
The angel Gabriel from heaven came/His wings as drifted snow, his eyes as flame
So, this one isn’t an original song by the Police frontman. But these days, thanks to Sting, you’re not necessarily a Jesus freak if you know this one. “Gabriel’s Message” is A Very Special Christmas’ most exotic, and most religious, addition, with the least possible amount of instrumentation. All Sting needed to forever cement his imprint into the best selling album was his layered reverb vocals and a very subtle amount of synth and beats behind him. It’s probably the coolest Christmas thing he’s ever done—next to singing “the only water flowing is the bitter STING of tears” in “Do They Know It’s Christmas?”. Heh.
Queen – Thank God It’s Christmas
Oh my friends/It’s been a long hard year/But now it’s Christmas
If you were lucky enough to have attended the 2019 Queen + Adam Lambert concert in Tampa, you got to see the two guys who penned this obscurity. Freddie Mercury only provided his unmistakable vocals to the Brian May-Roger Taylor penned single, from the The Works era. Freddie laments how rough he’s had it in the last year, but in spite of all the negativity around him, it’s finally the fucking holidays. This wasn’t the only Christmas song that Queen worked on, either. “I Dream Of Christmas” was written by Brian May around the same time, but the only surviving recording of it is a 1988 version that the guitar legend recorded with his future wife Anita Dobson, and Queen bassist John Deacon.
The Monkees – What Would Santa Do?
Tell me it’s no good, tell me it’s passé/Tell me anything to take my cheer away/Makes me wanna clench my fist and sock ’em in the mouth
As a ride-or-die Monkees fan, I have no trouble admitting that I think their latest, and possibly final album, Christmas Party, is an utter atrocity. It’s essentially a Micky Dolenz solo album, with only one or two contributions from the other three Monkees. Michael Nesmith and Davy Jones get two songs each, and due to Peter Tork’s cancer battle that would kill him months later, he only got “Angels We Have Heard On High.” On the other hand, one of the brighter moments on the album was its sophomore song, “What Would Santa Do?”, written by Weezer frontman Rivers Cuomo. Micky sings about a Scrooge in town, and how he wonders whether Santa Claus would keep his cool upon meeting him, or if the fat man would beat the guy up. It’s one of those be-good-at-Christmas tunes that could only come from the dorkiness of Rivers Cuomo.
HONORABLE MENTION: The Beatles’ Christmas Album
Hello, this is John speaking with his voice.
As we all know, The Beatles took the world by storm in the 60s. And all throughout their tenure, they made sure to tend to their fan club in a number of ways. Along with sending autographs and mailing chewed pieces of gum, the Fab Four would record a members-only Christmas message every year between 1963 and 1969. They did sing on the messages sometimes, but the mop-tops mainly goofed around in the studio for the duration of each recording, while also blending in a thanks-for-the-love message. All the messages were compiled together for a 1970 fan club-only album following their breakup, but a few years back, all seven of them were reissued in their original 45rpm format.
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